Dragonball Evolution

I can't tell you how hilarious this movie is. It is truely a great subtle comedy on all those shitty action comic book / anime style kids films. The writers of this are genius, never have I seen thes movies so subtly parodied in all my life, all I can ask is WHERE THE HELL IS LESLIE NEALSON?!?

Oh wait, the live action Dragonball movie isn't meant to be funny? It isn't a parody off shittly action/disaster/superhero films?!

WHAT THE FUCK?! EPIC FAIL!

After seeing the dreadfull Dragonball movie one thing came to my mind; "Uwe Boll" however Uwe Boll isn't assigned to this movie, so who was teh director who decided to fuck up a solid and long lasting anime series? James Wong....Wait, James Wong?! One of the co-producers of the X-Files?! What the fuck man, how can this be?!! It's just WRONG with a capital WHAT THE FUCK!? Oh wait he made Final Destination 3, that softens teh blow a bit.

Ok so here's the trailer, I'd love to have comments if possible.



So what do you guys think? pretty bog standard sterotypical stuff going on? Oh and the live action characters really remind you of the manga comic right?! Isn't the whole plot of the original manga about a kid with a tail who goes on a quest for seven dragonballs with his friend Bulma so he can selfishly get a wish to come true, only THEN to go on a great quest to defend the earth against an alien called Piccolo who wants the Dragonballs to destroy earth? Does this seem like a good enterpritation of the original material?!

Anyway at the end of the day ANYTHING usually with the subtitle "Evolution" "Vengence" "Unleashed" or some sort of crap like that is bound to suck.

Terminator 4

I just finished watching Terminator 3 with a friend, and I think I'm being too harsh on Terminator 4. Now with a fresh mind on what Terminator 3 was, I can clearly say that T4 cannot possibly be worse than Terminator 3. I mean the only good part of T3 was judgement day actually happening, I'm sure that T4 will be at least be worth renting when it's out on DVD or at least watching it on TV on a sunday, and you don't want to have contact with any other human being but yourself and possibly one other to share the pain with you over some digestive biscuits and a cup of tea...

I apologise McG, I'm sure I'll enjoy watching an illegal copy of T4, hey the camera work might be more entertaining than the film itself, maybe I'll witness the audiance die of bordom?

Sorry i couldn't help with one last McG joke...Anyway yeah I think T4 will slightly supass T3 in being the 2nd best Terminator picture (T1 and 2 are equal in different ways and take joint 1st).

Equilibrium

Although some people may not agree, I love the film Equilibrium: It's got an almost all British cast, kick ass action, and some very touching emotional scenes. Some may argue it rips things and ideas off others, but what great idea doesn't take inspiration from other great ideas. It's a shame that the DVD cover looks so naff.


Look at it, it just radiates bargain bin £1/DVD. Yet it's content is pretty solid. So why the hell the horrid DVD cover....

It beggars belief!

Ghostbusters 3

Well it seems that Sigourney Weaver is still in the mood for being in GB3, and Murray has gone from a big NO NO, to being in teh limelight as 'someone to train up the new generation' of ghostbusters.

Still I don't think there are any four comedians which could fill in those spaces. I don't want to say Jack Black, because although he can be funny, he's just a a BIG NO to GB, the same with Seth Rogan; he's just flavour of the month. I don't know who could be so timeless, and as funny as Bill Murray, Harold Rammis, Dan Aykroyd and Ernie Hudson....

Ghostbusters: The Video Game

So Ghostbusters the Video Game is out in Summer 2009, oh and WHAT a summer that will be (I hope). Looking at other's first impressions it seems like a solid game: I haven't really been looking at many screenshots of gameplay vids just because I want to play the game unspoiled, so I'm afraid I wont have a solid opinion on it until the summer. All I can say is that I'm pretty pumped right about now!

Terminator: Salvation (update)

Well I saw the new Trailer here: http://wbads-58.vo.llnwd.net/e1/wbmovies/terminatorsalvation/trl2/TerminatorTRL2_L.mov

...and my first impression?

WHAT A LOAD OF STEAMY SHIT!! This movie is going to blow so much it sucks, putrid monkey anus residue!!! This movie seems full of CG, and some of the machines are ridiculous, motorbikes and terminators?! Fuck off!
I thought this movie was supposed to be more character based like in the original masterpiece. BUT NO! McG had to turn into Michael Bay (not to say I had any faith in McG, and ta least I enjoyed Transformers on an entertainment level). I can seriously say that as far as this one goes, this is the wors, seriously I think I'd rather watch T3 if the choice between T4 and T3 was given. What ablsolute bullshit....
So what did i think was good; well Christian Bale seemed like an OK John Connor, but he seems to play the same character in the Batman series; I know John Connor is American (and believe it or not yanks, Bale is Welsh and puts on that ridiculous Amrican accent), but he just sounds like Bruce Wayne, I mean; the fuck man?! Also a young Kyle Reese wasn't as dissapointing as I thought. He didn't play it how I'd want, but he played it better tahn I thought. It's a shame HE LOOK NOTHING LIKE MICHAEL BIEHN!!!!

Anyway I can't believe I'm going to torture myself by watching this, definately a download. I'll let you know If I was proven wrong....

Welly Welly Welly

If it isn't Christmas coming up, well today is the only opportunity fro me to blog fro a while so lets look at the recent developments, Resident Evil 5 has some developments such as a release date (near my Birthday too! With crappy American Box-Art (however so much better than the American RE4 box-art) being released, and an amazing Special Japanese Edition (http://www.e-capcom.com/bio5/) being released. Also the marketing has been pushed into live action, with acting as good as the game itself (bad then ho ho ho Merry Zingmas!).

However what does all this say about what I think of RE5? Well fanboys, I'm sorry but although RE5 looks nice, and I am excited (especially at Christmas) about the game. I cannot endorse that this game will be a classic such as Dead Space. I mean all they've done is made it epically more Cinematic, however the acting, dialogue and plot is just as poor as any Capcom game, and they just don't have the Konami magic.

Resident Evil 5 however does have some intriguing points to look forward to such as the 'death' of Jill Valentine. The Tricell Corporation (especially after Degeneration, I'm more excited than ever), and maybe a battle of epic proportions between Neo-Wesker and Roided Up-Chris.

Not as epic as the battle between Snake and Liquid at then end of MGS4, but none-the less a Capcom sort of Epic.

Oh and of course bloody great big crocodiles, which I guess are not infected apart from one bloody big one I've seen in screens.

All in all this is RE4 on steroids, much like Chris's arms the size of Schwarzenegger’s chest.

Ok so Ghostbusters, well these guys have got me, I have to admit, I'm a fanboy and will ignore all negative comments until I play the game myself, I'm hoping it will be awesome, I just hope it will. Looking at everything though the game look awesome, but I'll make sure I review it when it comes out. On the matter of Ghostbuster 3 though Sigourney Weaver and Bill Burry are discussing Ghostbuster's 3, and Sigourney is considering Alien 5! What the fuck is going one with these stars?! It isn't only the stars though; it's the fact that Ridley Scott will be doing Alien 5 too!

I mean a little money waved in front of these people and they jump to it. I'm a fan of Scott and Wever's work (most of teh time) however I was a fan of the original Star Wars and Indiana Jones: I was coned once into thinking KoTCS was going to be great, but not any more, any 80's revival, remake or re-imaging will only be viewed online. Damn you George Lucas!!!!!!

Well I'd report on the other festivities, but there has been no real news about them, and none that really alter my view on them, Robocop is still in Limbo, Dead Rising Wii still sucks, GTA; Chinatown Wars I still refuse to get a DS for and as for ‘Batman 3’ is still in rumourworld, with the likes of Eddie Murphy playing the Riddler. I mean, you DON'T get comic actors to play serious roles, the Riddler is supposed to be like Jigsaw, not like Jim Carry or Eddie Murphy.

Resident Evil: Degeneration Review

So I finally watched Degeneration last week. So what did I think of it you may be wondering?

Well I have mixed feelings. The story isn't so hot for anyone looking for more than what Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children gave us. It's pretty much a movie for fans and fans only. Anyone else watching this who isn't a zombie movie fan or a Resident Evil fan will be thoroughly disappointing (yet you may be one of these retards who hates the games yet loves the Resident Evil movies). The storyline takes some new locations for a Zombie outbreak to occur, but unleashes all the clichés in a zombie and action genre. There isn't any twists that you can't guess from the beggining, there are no mind breaking moments such as in the game Metal Gear Solid 4 (or should I call it Epic Gear Solid 4?!), there's just Zombies, monsters, more of your favourite characters from the game.

From a Resident Evil fan I felt that the story was good, and added texture to the previous games, and let us into what's been going on with the world since 1998 to 2005 in RE's universe, it even sets up RE5 set 3 years after Degeneration and 2 years after Jill Valentine's 'death.' It explains all about what company has taken over Umbrella, and how the public are still not completely aware of what the T-Virus was. It also has a very bold, and intersting move that I can say I'm very excited about, which means a certain virus now has a vaccine, and another virus makes a comeback (which is awesome to see in in glorious new visuals. Altogether I definately recomend a fan see this movie, and if you are into zobie flicks this is definately worth a rental, or borrowing it of a Resident Evil fan.

Other things to point out is that the graphics on this film can either be spectacular, or horrible, especially the lipsyncing. Especially that the fact that the movie was recorded in English in the first palce, it means there should be NO problems with the lip movements. Alas however the characters look like badly dubbed anime characters.
Another thing as I mentioned is that some of the graphics are sub-par to Resident Evil 5 in places which says a lot.

Altogether if you are not a Resident Evil or Zombie movie fan stay away from this film at all costs, it'll just give you a headache, and will probably bore you. However if you are a fan of Zombie films or Resident Evil (or both) than this could be a worthwhile renatl or even a worthwhile addition to your DVD/BluRay collection.

Non Zombie people - 3/10

Zombie People - 6.5/120

Resident Evil fans - Anywhere between 7.5 and 8.7/10

Terminator 4

Well I've been looking at all the new T4 stuff, and let me tell you, my predictions on this are right. This will be the biggest pile of faecal matter spewed out of an obese persons ass after eating a dodgy takeaway seen since K.o.t.C.S! Especially when Josh Brolin said that the script that he read was allot darker than what they have supposedly shot. I knew it, I knew that this would be a load of PG-13 crap. The point is that kids will see an 18 or a 15 rated movie anyway, I really am not looking forward to having to watch this film to review.....FUCK!

Resident Evil 5 (update)

Mikami said that

"I won't like it, because it's not going to be the game I would have made," he told Official PlayStation magazine, "It'll just cause me stress if I play it. I think it could be fun for gamers to play it, but not for someone who has developed Resident Evil games. If I see anything in Resident Evil 5 that isn't done well, I'll be angry!"

Haha, right on. However he did bring us RE4, and that was great, but once teh spell was broken, very unlike Resident Evil. However although you guys know what I think of RE5, I hope to be surprised. It's always nice to be wrong sometimes.

Hopefully I can give my initial impressions once a demo is released at some point next year (for Europe)

Ghostbusters Game on track 2009

Well Atari has officially picked up as publisher for Ghostbusters the Game. I just can't wait for this game, I just watched Ghostbusters II, I can't wait for the sequel!!!

Dead Space

So It's Sunday and I have work, but before I commit myself to my work I'll start writing my review on Dead Space (dang that reminds me Tomb Raider-thon soon!).

When i first saw the advert for Dead Space I thought 'oh, look a cheap shitty horror game' especially as the game was made by EA, who to be honest are not the exact survival horror type such as Konami and to some extent Capcom are.
However a review by Spoony (www.thespoonyexperiment.com) changed my mind...

Dead Space for the first time since I played Silent Hill and Silent Hill 2 a game has scared be. The atmosphere of the sound design is second to none, I even think it beats the resident evil remake! I found myslef many times ducking out the way of a monster swiping for my head behind my character. I was on edge for every turn in the game.
The best thing about Dead Space is that it proves that the Resident Evil 4 game mechanics can REALLY work and be terrifyingly scary.
I think the main reason is that you are trapped in space and you have nowhere to escape to. Yes the game does borrow from Bioshock and Resident Evil 4, but to be honest that's a 3rd person shooter's dream to combine them both. EA games has done that.
There are some very uniqe and cool mechanics such as being able to run around in Zero-G where any surface can become the floor; really, really nice.
Thne nemies are awesome, it's like they cross-bread the weird design of enemies in Silent Hill with the ferocity of the Xenomorph in Alien. In fact the design of the ship is very Gigerish, very nice.

The only problem I found with the game is what spoony pointed out, some of the technology is laughable, such as personal bullet time machines which can freeze an object in time, or slow them down for a certain period, whilest everything else is in real time. This is stupid, but you accept it as it's a game. Also the use of kenesis is a bit stupid, but you can shake that off more than the personal bullet time.
Some of teh weapons aare very stupid, but as a game, the weapons are very fun (except the flamethrower, that is LAME) to use, and the dismemberments and the way the bodies slip around give a very slimey feel to the alien bodies and the dead ones.

The graphics are pretty damn tight, but obviosuly had to be played down so it could fit on the 360, however this by now way gets in your way when playing it. This is truly an example of when a slight difference in polygons doesn't matter at all.

Alotogether Dead Space has in my eyes become an instant classic up with the greats such as Resident Evil, Silent Hill, System/Bioshock and to some extent the original Survival Horror: Alone in the Dark.

Well done EA you get a solid 8.8/10

Quantum of Solace

I saw Quantum of Solace the other day, and without reading oen review. Now I make my own Judgement.

Quantum of Solace is a direct sequel to Casino Royale, and takes the new 'rough around the edges' Bond and takes him on a journey to find out who is responsible for the death of Vesper, and behind LeChife. The story takes place in 2006 20 minutes after the ending of Casino Royale. Unfortunately that is where the similaraties end. I'm going to skip the possitive and go straight to the negative.

1) The Title sequence. although the typography was very good in this film and the pace of the sequence went with the song, I really felt that the CGI sequenceing was nothing unusual in today's films and I feel that the way the camera moved made me feel incredibly dizzy and nausaus.

2) The first hand to hand action sequence made me feel even more sick, I mean Mark Forster just wen hack crazy in the avid suite, the fights were very quickley cut and filed at mid shots or close ups. There was very little time to see who was punching who and the edits were so fast that my brain had a hard time catching up: With a film like Batman Begins some of the fight scenes worked because Batman was supposed to be a mysterious figure who spread confusion amongsed enemies, this style of directing didn't work for the action, especially in this sequence.

3) The ridiculous action scenes. It seemed that Casino Royale had bought forward a gritty, real style to the genre, like Ian Flemming's spy. This time they went back to Die Another Day with ridiculous situations to put Bond into. Now here come spoilers so highlight to read.

There are to particular scenes which I hated. The first one is Bond opening a parachute at the last second. Not only does he and said company survive impact, they don't have a scratch on therm, and their clothes are relatively clean. The CGI in this scene is awful too.
The next scene is the fanalie action scene inside the fuel cell fortress. It's just so ridiculous I went from crying inside to laughing. Bond has gone completely the opposite of the gritty Casino Royale.

4) There is a thread thin plot, in which you barely know what is going on. Not to say that you can undertsnad it, but your brain switches off and you just end up watching Quantum of Solace like a pop-up picture book. Not something I expected after Casino Royale.

5) Marc Forster explained that we would see a Bond Villian who is very normal, and very unlike any previous Bond Villians. However he has and underwater dam, and his 'SPECTRE' (aka Quantum) group all have 'Q' badges just so you know who they are. Kinda Cute.

6) Contanuity has changed alot, since MI6 has completly been refurbished since Casino Royale, and has installed the table computer by Windows, and M has a completly new flat. I mean what he hell?! This took me completely out of the story, as every time I say a contanuity error my head just screamed.

There are many other things that bug me, but I'd be writing for too long. Quantum of Siolace is a step back from Casino Royale, it wasn't as bad as ome of the Bond Films that have come and gone, but certainly after such a gritty intersting film such as Casino Royale, this one just seems to be no way near as good. If you are not a Bond fan, it may be worth downloading or renting, but to a Bond fan it's worth adding to your DVD collection.

O'HOLY SHIT

Ok, apologies everyone, but I now have a job! So therefore updating this comes second I'm afraid, but wow, I've got updates on all the games and movies and two special reviews, as well as updating completely my games blog!

Lets start with

TERMINATOR SALVATION

Well they have finished principle photography, and are heavily involved in editing. Yet my hopes for more physical effects have been dashed as 'visual effects never attempted before' are being attempted on the avid screen. HA!

Well Jim Cameron clarified things to, apparently he got a phone call from McG (fuck his name just sounds like a shit Gangster or a burger) called Jim and said he'd send a script and some film. To this date Jim Cameron has not one word of script or not a yard of film. So therefore it looks like McG is too scared to what Jim might think of his shitfest.

Here was a video that I spotted a while back, in which I didn't have time to share my feelings, well I'll share them with you now.

http://io9.com/5080334/new-terminator-4-video-shows-martin-laings-painterly-war-movie

To be honest this film looks bad, I mean I think I'm going to be right on this one, it has non of the grit that teh first one had, and I doubt it will deeply question the themes of the first two, about responsaibility, motherhood, childhood, adulthood, taking another life etc.

My first impression of Kyle Reese is also mixed. I must admit my heart leaped when he said the famous line, but I'm not sure how his character will progress. I'd definitely like to see some sort of character development like Bond grew in Casino Royale.

Anyway I predict Terminator Salvation will be nothing more than a small nod to the first two movies, and will be nothing but a pile of shit on top of the first two at the same time, I might even say it would be on par with T3 on the shit-o-meter. So if you ejoy mindless popcorn movies, go see it, cry like I did (inside) when I saw Indy 4. Fuck this film, I'll see it (on ninja video) but fuck paying to see this at the magic lantern show until I’ve disproved my theory.

DEAD RISING:

Just a few words, I've seen more footage, and screenshots, and it just looks a joke, there are still about 10-15 zombies on screen, and there isn't much improvement on anything here. This is just like farcry on the Wii, petty and pointless. Although I'd like to say I'll give it a review when it comes out, I just don't want myself to be put through this awful game, especially when Resident Evil 4 gave us at least 30 - 40 enemies on screen.

However on the Dead Rising 2 mountain: DR2 is rumoured to be in development by Blue Castle Games (America), where Capcom (Japan) will just be publishing it. There isn't much to go on here. Dead Rising was a good game, the fact that this was the first true 'zombie' game for the 7th generation was awesome, we could for the first time see the zombie apocalypse, unlike RE3 for the Playstation; this was a vast leap. DR2 has a lot of heavy expectations, so hopefully whomever develops it better do a good job, or a lot of fanboys will be baying for their blood like hungry zombies.

ROBOCOP:

Nothing much new here, but I'm still pretty excited of what a reinvented Robocop could bring us. Apparently it will hardly resemble the old film, which to me will in this case particularly bring some new fresh feelings. The reboot is there to bring something new like Batman Begins, but bring a change even more radical than what Begins was compared to the original.
I can't wait to sink my critical teeth into the first trailer.

RESIDENT EVIL 5

Oh my god, I've missed a LOT of news on Resident Evil 5, and you guys will know more than I do at the moment, you may have even played it, seems like a tilde wave of RE5 news has hit us: We have hands on impressions and RE5 for PC (like that was unexpected) and a whole bunch of odds and sods.

Well as you guys have already read it I'm just going to give a quick overview on my predictions for the game so far, because I don't want you to read through what you already know.

To be honest I think this game will be ok. Just OK, I'm expecting it to be action packed, in which I despise in a RE game. I expected it to be a more oiled version of RE4, which isn't a bad thing. I think I'll be entertained. What I don't think it will bring is a gritty storyline which raises questions about humanity and where we are heading, I'm not expecting to be scared, I'm not expecting Dead Space either, just entertainment. I think this game is expected to be no more than 7 out of 10 and a minimum of 4.5 out of 10. Still it seems exciting and I can't wait to play it. I must admit all the hype has got me worked up.

Ok, so next up will be my double bill review-a-thon: Quantum of Solace and Dead Space.

Apologies

Apologies everyone for not updating the games review website (http://anonymousgamesreviews.blogspot.com/) in a while. To be honest I've been very busy with the outside world and have not enough hours in the day.

Please take it in faith that for every week I miss updating it, means I just will update it with more reviews, I think by next Monday I will be up to Tomb Raider Legend? So expect a fuck load of full reviews soon!

Resident Evil: Degeneration

Resident Evil: Degeneration premièred at TGS'08 yesterday where it got mainly a negative response from critics.

Some thought that the CGI was sub-standard, while others parised the motion capture and visual presentation.

What many people agreed on was that the storyline was for hard-core fans only.

WELL NO SHIT SHERLOCK!!! These movies are designed to be for hardcore fans, just as Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children was designed for FFVII fans only. Critics should get their head around this before picking the shit out of movies made for the fans. Sure the plot of Degeneration may only be understood by those who have played every single Resident Evil game, and that mainstream audiences wouldn’t get it, but the whole point is that this movie was designed for the fans.

Now I have not seen the whole 90 minutes of degeneration and I agree some of the dialogue is messy and you might find yourself laughing at what comes out of these character’s mouths. Some might even be slightly agitated at some parts where the character’s lips fall out of sync, or even that Chris Redfield in RE5 looks better than Leon and Claire in this movie, who look too shiny to be real.

However the fact stil remains, if you are a fan of the movies, or are expecting something meaningful and more than just shooting zombies, and bridging gaps between Resident Evil 4 and 5 then PLEASE DON’T WATCH THIS MOVIE. If you are however a hardcore fan then this movie might hit the spot, maybe not in the sense of good dialogue and thought provoking material, but in the sense of bridging some timeline gaps between 2004 and 2008, just as Umbrella Chronicles did kinda bridge what happened between 2000 and 2004 (aka the fall of Umbrella in 2003). I’m yet to see the whole movie, and will give my own thorough review once it comes out.

Terminator: Salvation (update)

First of all a word from James Cameron via the National Post:

"It could be a big steaming pile or it could be brilliant. Sam Worthington is in the Avatar and the new Terminator and he likes the script, but I never saw it. There was no blessing involved."

So McG is a liar about the fact that he is consulting Jim Cameron about Terminator Salvation. He seems to be just as miffed as you and I about T4. So the matter is yet again open to the fact if T4 will be a 'steaming pile'

In other news Cinema Blend. Has some interesting shots of T4. It seems that McG is breaking the mould of setting most of the future scenes in a daytime setting. Is this is a brave attempt to make this film stick out from the others like Resident Evil 4 and 5? Or an attempt to trick us into thinking the said previous attempt?!

You may also notice that they are physically doing some of the effects, which means there might me an idication of going back to filming the movie on more physical terms. Now I know that it's impossible to do a Terminator movie without some sort of extra help, wether it's stop-go animation, back projection/chroma key, or CGI, but T1 and 2 always used as much physical effects as possible to make it seem as real as possible. Could it be that McG and his 'army of Terminator fans/film crew' have decided to be faithfull to Cameron's style of filming and storyline?! I know that James Cameron's version of the T-600 has already been changed, but we'll soon see. So far I'm just as confused as James Cameron on this one, although T4 will most likely suck monkey balls.

Anyway here they are:

Resident Evil 5 (update)

HERE BE SPOILERS (HIGHLIGHT TO READ)

It seems that Capcom had the balls to kill off Jill Valentine, as seen in the alternate version of the TGS'08 Trailer. The story looks too 'personal' but it seems pretty epic though I'll give them that, maybe this still has a chance of being a great Resident Evil title?!

Alternate trailer can be found here: http://www.gametrailers.com/player/41125.html

Updateathon: Resi 5, Dead Rising and Indy 5

I apologise to anyone who reads my blog, I have been extremely busy in the realms of REAL LIFE. I mean I do have a life outside the internet ya know?

Anyway lets cut the shit:

Indiana Jones 5:

Harrison ford recently talked about a 5th film of Indiana Jones. Ford had this to say "It's crazy but great. George is in think mode right now."

The key word is crazy here. George Lucas has gone mad, it seems that something has controlled his brain to make him make shitty versions of the classic adventure movies he used to make such as Star Ward and Indiana Jones. I'm not sure if it's his hair controlling him like some sort of alien brain slug or what but it must be stopped. I can imagine fans of the old Star Wars teaming up with fans of the old Indiana Jones tracking George down and George being held hostage by his own hair.

It may not surprise some of you (especially the Indy geeks) that there were 5 films planned to be filmed one after another, however George (before the hair took over) and Stephen decided to call it a day after the third; like ALL GOOD TRILOGIES!!!Ford: "George = Crazy"

Scum

Dead Rising: Chop Till you Drop

So many of you have been waiting for my next glimpse of the 360 port of Dead Rising. Well nothing from my last complaint has really gone away. G4 recently had a hands on of Chop Till you Drop. According to them the 'hundreds of zombies' promised has so far not been delivered G4 counted a maximum of 15 zombies on screen at the same time.

Capcom have obviously sacrificed the amount of shops you can access, and G4 have pointed out that a smaller area makes you panic more. However I'm sorry, a large shopping mall with only 15 zombies on screen at a time is ridiculous. It's such a large area to maneuver around it just having a few inaccessible shops really doesn't make it more of a panic fest.

Apart from that nothing has really changed. The graphics look ever so slightly upgraded, but I'd expect more from what I've seen in RE4 on the cube or even on the Wii. The gore effects still look really bad, and the sound effects still don't chill me, take a look at the new trailer, I'm sure you notice music over nearly the whole thing just to hide away the shame.




Resident Evil 5

Well this is the big one. The game that everyone is sooooo excited about. Well I took a look at the new trailer and I can say is....

I'm impressed. Ok I'm not drawn completely in by the bait, but the story already seems to be far more fluid than RE4's. It's a shameless rip off of MGS4's style but I'm sure with an Resident Evil twist. The characters seem far more 3D (I can use puns if I want, I don't give a shit if you don't find it funny fuck you) than in say RE2, 3 Zero and 4 (sorry I loved the more adult themes in CV and the character and script in REmake), but power to them, yes it's going to be over the top, but I think in this one there is going to be a lot better writing, the new trailer just gives me a feeling that things are going to at least better than RE4, so there is something I can relax myself about. Ok It's still a game which looks like it's going to have scenes similar to RE4, which is just unforgivable, allot of the plot seem to lack any imagination, but it already seems that they have cut down the amount of confidence in the characters (aka Leon's monster quip).
It also introduces Wesker and it seems that he has found a new business partner creating bio weapons. It even shows what seems to be Spencer (the fellow from Umbrella Chronicles in the wheelchair). It also explains why Chris joined (or helped set up) BSAA, and it seems things like Degeneration and the events of Resident Evil 4 really pushed things: For example Chris mentions that terrorists got hold of Umbrella's weaponry over black markets and it seem that the incident at the airport (assumption here people) sparked off a new wave of bio terrorism, so BSAA was formed by Chris and a few others. He also has the balls to admit that these enemies are nothing but Ganado rip-offs as "reported in the Kennedy report." Which maybe gives me hope that they may really do a good job bridging all worlds together. So well done Capcom, just don't ruin it with your next trailer.

The graphics look AMAZING (for a 360 title) however I'm sure they could have really pushed it if it was a PS3 exclusive.

The voice acting looks less than impressive though for a next-gen game, first of all you have a bullshit stereotypical mad-scientist who has a voice in which I'd never though I'd say I prefer Alfred Ashford's voice. and Sheva sounds very British for an Africa woman (eve though she seems mixed race so maybe Sheva has a British parent, or maybe was born in Africa but raised in an all girls boarding school in Kent?!
The other factor is that there seems to be quite a bit of mouth flapping which just sucks monkey balls, I thought this was the next generation?! Patrick Stewart would be ashamed.

I did not see any of the new "Gears of War" controls as stated a while back, but fuck it I'll wait another day.

Altogether this trailer has changed my mind on the storyline, but it isn't 100%, I'm still extremely sceptical, and I suppose the next trailer might make me change my mind, however I must give it to Capcom; it is the very first Trailer of RE5 that has really got me interested, it is a shame that we did not see the new controls.

You can view the Trailer here http://www.gametrailers.com/player/41037.html

Godzilla vs Cloverfield

This isn't a new movie don't worry, nor am I comparing the movies. I'm using statistical anlysis of teh two giants to see who would win in a fight, I already know who I want to win, but I'm doing my damnedest to give Clove...I mean the certain monster a fair chance aginst Godz...I mean the other monster.

Lets start with
Godzilla

Height: 190 - 200 ft

Length: 411.9 feet

Weight: 20, 000 - 60, 000 (realistically) Tons

Abilities: Swimming, Tail Sweep, Fighting with two front arms and kicks with legs, biting.

Special Ability: Thermonuclear Breath which can obliterate most things in one go.

Weakness: If anything it's electricity.
Unknown Monster

Height: 240 - 300 ( on all fours) 300 - 350 feet (standing)

Length: 1200 feet

Weight: 5, 806 Tons

Abilities: Swimming (but not as fast as Godzilla), walking on all fours (for speed) and on two legs, jumping at nearly double its own height, sharp claws.

Special Abilities: Has lots of Parasites attached to it, anything without tough skin which is bitten either immediately dies, or dies later on from their body exploding.

Weaknesses: Possible Nuclear bombing?!

The Fight:

Well the 'Cloverfield' monster is taller and longer than Godzilla, and can jump an at least 200 out of it's 300ft height. Which might make it an interesting fight. However the 'Cloverfield' monster is just a baby and thus it is a lightweight, whereas Godzilla is a fully grown adult whom has a far tougher muscular structure than the 'Cloverfield' monster.
Godzilla (aparf from kicking, punching and biting would also use it's tail to trip the 'Cloverfield' monster up.
Not to mention Godzilla cannot be affected by the parasites and Godzilla has Atomic Breath, which could be an advantage against Cloverfield, as both monsters are resistant to all other types of bombs, maybe this monster could only be affected by a nuclear attack such as Godzilla's Atomic (Thermonuclear) Breath.

However it is said that this monster is just a baby (like those frog tadpole mixes), so an adult version could be 4 tiems as big, and therefore no matter how muscular Godzilla is, I'm afriad an adult version of the 'Cloverfield' monster would just be too big for Godzilla to take on.

Resident Evil 5 (update)

Despite the new screenshots of Resident Evil 5, an interview by 1UP with Jan Takeuchi revealed that there will be no typewriters. Instead the game will focus entirely on checkpoints and chapters. Which means there is no point in saving unless you've played for too long and need to go to bed/work/college/school/place of worship. So saving just beyond a checkpoint allowing users more freedom within the save system is completely iradicated. Unless of course they pull a Tomb Raider: Anniversary and put checkpoints every 10 steps?! But fuck, as long as you don't mind dying and replaying from the last checkpoint, there isn't much point in saving is there?!


FUCK

Voice of Cleveland confirms show is pile of shit

So Mike Henry in an interview recently said "It is Family Guy with a big heart and not as vicious with celebrities"

Great so the show is not only what i predicted before, but it's a safer alternative. This is what's wrong with Seth McFarlane today is that he's going soft in the head, that just because family guy was perfectly marketable, he then decides to make an even safer show to make it even more marketable (like the Simpsons, but lame). I'm sure that the writing will still be funny, but It just seems that it just seems to be there.

1) Not to up-set African Americans who have complained about the lack of black people in Family Guys
2) To do what most Hollywood movies do; sell happy meals. I'm not saying that the Cleveland show will be marketed at a child's audience, but certainly a younger audience making it more safe, and more marketable.

Seth: I want you to stand in the corner and think about what you have done, and then apologise.

Resident Evil 5 (update)

Well according to Power Unlimited we have some interesting facts for RE5:

- The story will tell who Chris Redfield really is, what he has been doing for the past ten years and the nature of his relationships with the other characters.
- Chris Redfield helped establish the Bioterrorism Security Assessment Alliance (BSAA) after the Raccoon City incident in 1998.
- Much of the story will be told as flashbacks.
- The BSAA has branches all over the world, but the executive decisions – like sending Chris to Africa – are made from the USA.
- Sheva Alomar is part of the West African branch of the BSAA
- Weapons are supplied to Chris and Sheva by Kralin, an ex-BSAA member who is attempting to flee the city with the BirdWoman.
- The guy with the megaphone in the trailer is the richest man in the village and so be default their leader. He is funding the construction seen.
- Wesker will appear about 5% into the game.
- Sherry Birkin will appear in substantially more of the game. - The following characters will not appear in the game: Jill, Barry, Claire, Billy and Leon.
- Chris and Sheva will face many relationship difficulties.
- The game will take 15 hours to finish and will have 8 hours of cut-scenes… hopefully in addition to the 15 hours.
- Capcom want Resident Evil 5 to be the best looking game of 2009.
- There is a big emphasis on puzzles, many of which a co-op based.
- Co-op drop in and drop-out is confirmed.
- There will be one hour of solo Chris gameplay before you meet Sheva.
- No mirages and heat/cold features in the game.
- Flashbacks are not playable.
- There are 30 weapons in the game, 20 for Chris and 10 for Sheva.
- You can use the chainsaw, once you have acquired it from the final fight with Moreso.

Some of this news is good; some of it is VERY bad indeed. For example one part of the article says that most of the game will consist of flashbacks. However another part of the article says the flashbacks will not be playable. I know that MGS4 had a lot of cut scenes but when the article says most of the story will consist of flashbacks it's hard to see if there will be much of a future storyline. I mean I agree; some flashback should consist of just video, however some flashbacks would be awesome to play through, and would add something just that little bit nicer. The fact you can use the chainsaw is just awesome, however I think that this will not make it in the final build, because one build of RE4 for the PS2 did in fact have an unlockable chainsaw weapon, however it was cut due to Leon being a protagonist, and the fact he shouldn't sink to the level of a chainsaw wielding maniac, also the fact that it may have raised the age level to an 18, it certainly would not have made it in the German version of the game.

It is nice to know that (probably after Umbrella went under, Chris started the BSAA, I reckon there will be a tie in with Resident Evil: Degeneration.

It is interesting that the "BirrdWoman" may be an ally, as this guy is supplying you with weapons (aka a new Merchant). We now know what the Merchant System will be. However I still don't know if the "BirdWoman" can be trusted?

"Wesker will appear about 5% into the game." I think the meant 5% in the game, so I guess that means the final 5% of the game, and not 5% into the game. this confirms my assumption that Wesker will yet again be in mini/separate ways type games too, which is predictable. Capcom have a villain that they seem to be recycling more that Bowser and Dr Robotnik.

It's in one way a relief that the previous STARS members will not appear; but I REALLY want Barry to appear GOD FUCKING DAMN IT! However maybe they may have a surprise ending with Barry rescuing your ass?! Please, lets hope so!

There are other positive notes such as more emphasis on Puzzles, many of them being co-op based (online).

However the fact that the game is only 15 hours on your first playthrough is quite sad, it is said there is 8 hours of storyline, however that may or may NOT be included in the 15 hour game time. Last time RE4's first playthrough was around 20+ hours, I appreciate the 8 hours of storyline, but only 15 hours of gameplay?! They better have some damn fine extra modes!

So altogether I've been given a small amount of faith with this game, but I've also seen a lot of negative or predictable things too, which means this game is a one step forward 2 steps back kind of game.


This is Anonymous Gamer signing off:

You stay classy Internets

RIP Paul Newman

Well Paul, you died yesterday, Rest in Peace. You entertained me gretaly throught your life...

(Paul Newman died aged 83[January 26, 1925(1925-01-26) - September 26 2008)

Resident Evil Wimake

So Capcom announced via Famitsu, that Japan will be getting a Wii edition of the Gamcube remake. Yet again with the same control scheme that they had for the Resident Evil 0 Wii Edition. Which was unchanged and hand completely no control difference.

Just give us either a brand new title that ties in with RE5 OR get us a remake of RE2 with wiiremote controls, there is NO point in repackaging the same game WITHOUT anything different, especially when the game is over 6 years old. Jesus christ...

Capcom; you officially suck.

I appologise for the lack of depth to this preview/review, bu there isn't much depth to Capcom's thinking....

Hollywood has gone too far!

THE LINE MUST BE DRAWN HERE!

Ok, so I can cope with all those 80's remakes. But when a 1968 children's classic; Chitty Chitty Bang Bang was announced that a remake could be on its way this stops me in my tacks. I think why?! This means that they are going to pull another Willy Wonka?!

Now I'm asked If I liked Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, and if I think It's better than the original, but I can't say it's anything like the original, one is a musical, one is a film adaptation, you can't compare. I must admit that the new one didn't seem to have that magic that the musical one did, however it did have more scenes from the book compared to the original (which Roald Dahl hated). I do own both on DVD, and although the film is no way a masterpiece It isn't the worse interpretation of the book, it still had some pretty scary stuff for children like those squirrels dragging that girl to her doom. if I was a kid I'd be scared of squirrels.

Squirrels are the enemy, they must be killed!

Anyway Chitty Chitty Bang Bang doesn't need an update, nor did Willy Wonka, it's a timeless classic and shouldn't be remade. What is it about 'today's audience' which is apparently so obsessed with having everything aesthetically pleasing and so very plastic? What is wrong with the restoration technique that Disney uses on their classic films? I mean it's like remaking snow white, and using Pixar to do it. It just doesn't work, and should never be done!!!!

This is equal to having a remake of Alien or Terminator, Or Citizen Kane or even Jaws, there are hundreds more films, but then my blog post would be too long.

Why do 'today's audience' care more on how a film looks rather that what a film is? What have we done with our kids? I mean I grew up with Chitty and I never thought that the film was lame. Neither should kids now, and to be honest I don't think kids do care. If the Star Wars prequels never came out would there be a rush of kids demanding prequels?! Would all these reboots and re-imagings of older movies be missed if the never happened, the answer is no. The real answer is that Hollywood is really lacking in true writers, and true talent. To get a Hollywood film which is at a high standard really takes a long time, and I think 98% of Hollywood’s talent really should not be in film until they realise their faults of mashing they keys on a keyboard until the letters fall in a place where something seems to make some sort of sense. We have directors which rely heavily on chroma key technology and CGI, and misuse them as the tools they should be used as, and just add CGI because it's flavour of the month. They concentrate on making the film look good, and not on if the film has the actors for the job, or if the story is worth telling. We have actors that look pretty, but can't act for fuck.

So why is this? Simply; cost. You do a shitty script because it's usually cheaper (not true look at all the classic films that were done on little to no budget), you hire either a famous director who's losing their edge because it attracts fanboys to see the movie, or you hire a cheap director with little to nothing in his portfolio to prove themselves, you rely on green screens and CGI, because somehow CGI has become less expensive that doing things for real, even though doing things for real looks and feels better. All because of the budget. Well if they put money on a film which would actually be good rather than some generic marketable bullshit then maybe the industry wouldn't be in so much trouble with piracy etc.

So on with the news of a Chitty remake:

Michael G Wilson, who co-owns the rights to the story, told The Sunday Telegraph

"There may be a new film of Chitty, we will have to see"

That's just bullshit, you already got the stage version, why go for a new version? Just so you can sell Happy Meals, shitty computer game editions, DVD and blu-ray discs, and just for fun rape our childhoods. Our assholes are sore from all these reboots/remakes/ re-imagings, stop my ass can't take much more of a pounding!!!!

Waving Goodbye to sanity; the original Chitty Cast must be pissed off.

Robocop (Update)

Apparently Darren Aronofsky will adapt Robocop. Not only that but it will have little to do with the original series.

"What I like...is that Hollywood is making big films right now and I’ve always had an interest in that. The thing I like about Robocop is that it’s not as iconic as those other titles, and I think that fans of it will be open to reinterpretation. And yet a studio will probably back it because it’s got that tentpole feeling to it"

Aronofsky is not the first choice I'd imagine for adapting/directing the reboot of Robocop, and to be fair I think that's a good thing. However the first Robocop rocked, and I hope that they don't fuck thing too much in the ear. Sure a reimaging could have the minute chance of being good; but it has a very high chance of falling flat on it's face, much like Rob Zombie's "reimaging" of Halloween.

I hope to god they keep in all the plot elements that made the first movie such a great one. Such as Murphy's hideous demise at the beginning of the film, and the ED-209 makes a comeback, along with other iconic moments. I don't have much hope in this "reimaging." HOWEVER I think it is a clever/brave move to change the film, where most reboots/remake/reimagings try and fail at making someone elses hard work look like their own.

Ghostbusters 3 (update)

Harold Rammis has said to The Chicago Tribune

"Yes, columbia is developing a script for GB3 with my year one writing partners, Gene Stupnitsky and Lee Eisenberg. judd apatow is co-producing year one and has made several other films for Sony, so of course the studio is hoping to tap into some of the same acting talent. Aykroyd, Ivan Reitman and I are consulting at this point, and according to Dan, Bill Murray is willing to be involved on some level. he did record his dialogue for the new Ghostbusters video game, as did Danny and I, and Ernie Hudson. The concept is that the old Ghostbusters would appear in the film in some mentor capacity. Not much else to say at this point. Everyone is confident a decent script can be written and I guess we'll take it from there."

Well all I can say Is shit. It looks like minimum involvement from the original guys, but in a way this is a good thing. Say this does end up like Crystal Skull; that means that we can blame the writers and the producers etc because they are NOT the original cast and crew. It means my faith in Dan, Harold, Bill and Ernie can still be kept in tact. I am pretty excited when I read Mr Impossible Bill Murray would be involved 'at some level' jesus, getting him to act now is harder than getting George Lucas to be a good writer/producer....

Dead Rising (update)

Apparently according to Aussie-Nintendo. Christian Svensson, Corporate Officer/VP of Strategic Planning & Business Development at Capcom has said

"Take the car underground, day 2-3, run em down.. you’ll see several hundred rendered in scene," he boasted. "I can’t quote you exact numbers because I don’t know what they are. But it’s a hell of a lot."

Does this mean the pitiful ammount of Zombies seen in the first demo have been corrected, or is it just on day 2-3? Or is it just in the parking garrage? I just don't get it. I so want to see what they have done since the last demo because it seems they may have made some improvments. However just because they have raised the ammount of Zombies doesn't mean they have a good game. They have mentioned NOTHING about improving graphics, or sound or gameplay, some of the few compliants I had last time. So far it seems that Dead Rising: Chop 'Till You Drop could be another Spiderman 3 (Wii); a big fucking dissapointment, heck all three movie for that matter..

You should be ashamed of yourself Spiderman

Short Holiday

I'm on a short 3 day break, so I wont be able to keep this updated for a couple of days, rest assured I'll be back on Thursday updating this bastard like mad!!

Ghostbusters 3 (update)

Well it seems that Ghostbusters 3 will involve an all new team of Ghostbusters, and I'm half glad that's happened. I mean the Ghostbuster's team (no offence to any of them) are looking OLD, I mean it would take ages and money for them to all get back into shape enough to do this movie. Dan Aykroyd told E!Online that he would love to have Seth Rogen as one of the new Ghostbusters. To be honestly honest I think this choice are great. Although I don't think he is a great comedian, he does have a great personality which shines through in his movies. This personality I think could work well. The only large problem is two factors:

1) The writeres aren neither Dan Aykroyd nor Harold Ramis. This to me is having a mocha, without all the toppings, it just doesn't taste as nice. I just need some kind of proof from these writers that they can match the genius

2) I'm afrid that this is going to be another Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, nuff said.

Ghostbusters 3

Ok, I received some news that a 3rd Ghostbusters is going ahead and is being written by the American office writers....

Ok this is all I need to say, because you should by now have stopped crapping yourself with excitment, when you hear that the writers are not Harold Ramis and Dan Aykroyd, but Lee Eisenberg and Gene Stupnitsky. These men should not be allowed to TOUCH a film like this. Why not Harrold and Dan? They wrote the last two, and both films were great (with varying rates of greatness), and although the GAME was supoosed to be the 3rd film. The douches at Colombia have decided to make the 3rd film.

According to BBC News, they plan to reunite the 4 Ghostbusters. However All are too old and most out of shape for the role, and Bill Murray would have to cost the studio more than what he's worth.

This film as Egon would put it "would be bad"

I feel that this film will just be another dissapointment like Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Shit...

I would be more excited if Dan and Harold were writing the film, as I don't trust the duo writing it currently. I hope that this film gets cancelled, or by some miracle it's actually good,

Dear Hollywood,

You ruin classic movies, such as Indiana Jones, Terminator, Alien, Robocop, Die Hard (Ok Die Hard 4 was quite good, despite it not being near the quality of the 1st and 3rd), and now my childhood heroes The Ghostbusters......WHY?!?

Yours faithfully

Anonymous Gamer

Facebook just threatened me...

Yes that's right Facebook has in some twisted form pulled a George Lucas, for me to explain I'm going to have to take you back a few months.

Around a few months ago facebook introduced us to the "New Facebook" which to be honest I never tried; however, like the "New Star Wars" I got constant status updates from people thoroughly disappointed by this "New Facebook" so i never tried it.

However I suddenly get this message pop up:

Who do they think they are? Adolph Hitler?Why force people to go to the new facebook, when it's obvious that NO ONE LIKES THE CHANGES! Do some fucing customer research before you decide to ruin facebook forever, you already allowed the pointless birrage of shitty applications that you get constant invites over, and now you try and clean that up with a new facebook layout, in which now you are forcing you to watch.

It would be like George Lucas suddenly taking away all the classics and giving you back Epsodes 1-3, and only selling the 2006 digital cuts which replace the original actor of Anikin Skywalker.

Oh wait...

So I feel completly threatened over this new move, they are ristricting our freedom so much that I'm tempted to move to another social networking site which allows you your freedom to say NO.

ResidentEvil 5 (update)

So it looks like the old control scheme has changed. Apparently they are more like "Gears of War" well I've never played Gears of War, so i'll have to take their word that controls will be improved. I have no opinion on this really until I see the new footage, it still doesn't make up for such a shitty game.

I have to remind anyone who reads this. Resident Evil 5 isn't a shitty game because of the controls, the enemies, the charcters or the script. It remains a shitty game because it just feels the same as RE4, if they took RE4 as a basis, and made it different (such as a difference in enemies, or even the animations), then I'd be looking forward to this game.

So

Same Enemy Animations (for a next gen game) + Same Enemies (even after it was said not to be the T-Virus or a Parasite) + Same God-Awful writing + Similar Sound-Track + Improved Gameplay + SemiHD Graphics = Shitty Game which SHOULDN'T BE!

Guilty Pleasures?

Ok, with all the shit remakes coming out, not many movie series' are safe now-a-days. So if one of your all time favourite movies were to be re-booted; what film would it be?

Mine would be JAWS; just because I couldn't sacrifice Alien, or any other classic film series. So I'd have to sacrifice JAWS, however I'd have to have full control (mind control?) over who would be employed?

First of all the script would have to follow the novel slightly more. this is just to be different from the original; I never see the point with remakes, if they are just frame by frame copies (Psycho anyone?). So having allot more from the novel would be cool. However I'd like to try and keep the suspense of the original by NOT showing the shark until the very end.

Minimal CGI. I can't stand it when Hollywood uses CGI just because it's there; if you can physically do it, then do it physically. I mean over 50% of Deep Blue Sea was actually using almatronics, and the shark's looked pretty damn fine when the almatronics were in shot. Pan's Labyrinth used CG as a tool and NOT as a gimmick.

So who would I employ?

Well Steven Spielberg as Exec Producer/Producer - My reasoning is that he did the original, so I'm sure he can make the right decisions?

I'd have Ridley Scott to Direct. Simpley because of Alien. Despite his directorial genius, he did "JAWS in Space", and really managed to pull off one of the best films of all time.

I'd have Roger Deakins (No Country for Old Men) as Director of Photography

I'd have to have Ted Tally to write the screenplay.

I'd have William Peterson as Martin Brody just because I think he:

a) physically matches my idea of what Martin Bordy looks like
b) He's a brilliant actor.

I'd be tempted to place Kiefer Sutherland for the Role of Quint. Now people here might start to ask: Is this guy MAD?! Kiefer Sutherland as QUINT?! Well I think he's moody enough to play Quint, however this would only be the choice if this was set in modern day America; If this was set in 70's America, I'd probably have Clint Eastwood just becaue of the age is perfect, and no offence to Kiefer but, Clint Eastwood is just the superior actor here.

Matt Hooper is quite the mystery, he'd have to be; Young, Handsome, and Geeky. I'm currently thinking looooong and hard about this one. All I know is apparently Spielberg (when asked) he said he'd have to sign up Tom Curise for a role. I suppose if there is any role to give him, it's the role of Matt Hooper; at least you get to see Tom's guts squeezed out of him, and eaten alive! :D (check novel for details). In fact having Tom as Matt Hooper gets more and more tempting every time I imagine him being eaten by a giant rogue great white!

If I could have the absolute power NOT hire Tom though I'd probably say Brad Pitt or Edward Norton.

I'd have to put Uma Thurman as Elien Brody. Just because.... I don't know to be honest, but she's a decent actor, however she only seems to really pull her socks up when in Quentin Tarantino movies.

This would probably be my dream team, IF I had to sacrifice a film to Hollywood in order to save other classic films from being raped.

Unfortunately, I've quite enjoyed picking and choosing cast and crew for a remake of JAWS. What does this mean?

From Top Left (Clockwise) William Peterson taking the Role of Roy Scheider's Martin Brody, Edward Norton/Brad Pitt taking the role of Richard Dreyfuss' Matt Hooper, Uma Thurman taking Lorraine Gary's Ellen Brody, and Clint Eastwood taking Robert Shaw's Quint

A Missconception that pisses me right off

http://www.computerandvideogames.com/article.php?id=196096

Just an extract of an article about Resident Evil 5:

" Within a few seconds of watching Chris Redfield surrounded by a marauding pile of walking, hellish undead, he lived out what we all imagined we'd want to do - he rears up, grits his teeth, and pops a zombie in the face with a haymaker. Nice.

The fifth Resident Evil takes place in an as-yet unnamed African nation, with hordes of undead beating you up under a constant sheen of burning sunlight"

Why can't actual fans of the series review these games, for once in their life can't they tell the difference between ZOMBIES and the enemies in RE4 and the ones in RE5.

EVERY FUCKING TIME!

For fucks sake! Zombies are undead creatures with the IQ of an estate agent (sorry to any Zobies offended by this) whom are after your flesh.

The enemies in RE4 and 5 are infected with a parasite, other than that they are NOT undead, nor Zombies.

GET YOUR FUCKING FACTS RIGHT.

That is all

This is Anonymous Gamer Signing off:

Remember to check out my other site (http://anonymousgamesreviews.blogspot.com/)


Fuck You Internets

RE5 (Hands-On)

Ok I've just stopped in the middle of reading a Hands-On review of Resident Evil 5 (http://www.totalvideogames.com/articles/GC08_-_Resident_Evil_5_Hands_On_13688.htm), and I just want to pull a few extracts.

"When you're low on ammo she'll be right there to offer supplies, without you even asking for it. This is one of the aspects of her character that allowed us to instantly bond with Sheva. As with any other survival horror game, ammo is always scarce in Resi 5, but Sheva always seemed to be there at the critical moment with a top-up. " - Ok this is one of the reasons RE4 sucked, and that is because there was not as much tension as their should have been. That is why it is SURVIVAL horror, not getting by just fine but enjoying the action horror. WHY DON'T PEOPLE GET THIS?!?

Ok Moving on... "She's an AI ally that actually enhances the tension of Resi's brand of suspense" Ok, is this because you just said previously that she gives you weapons and ammo just at the right time, or are you saying the AI is retarded and that means the suspense is upped by AI that does stuff that you don't want it to do?

The rest of the review is just as I expected/feared, especially with the Chainsaw guy (be more original Capcom!) and a few other stuff, it doesn't give much away, and it doesn't give much hope, except a few bits and bobs which I've heard before.

All in all I'm still disappointed with this title, and I'm still wondering why most people and Resi fans are getting a boner out of this game?

Metal gear Solid 5

GAMEPRO has released an article that assistant producer of Kojima Productions is leaving. However he had something interesting to say

"It'll be hard not being involved in MGS5, but I've got the utmost confidence that Hideo Kojima, Ken Imaizumi, and our amazing team will put together another blockbuster game. I'll be cheering from the sidelines."

As we all know Hideo Kojima has repeatedly said he wont be directing another Metal Gear Solid, and when the epic Metal gear Solid 4 (PS3) was released a few months ago Kojima confirmed that this would be the last game involving Solid Snake.

So what does MGS5 hold in store? I mean there are NO plot loops left open from the last quadoligy, everything was tied up. This means that a whole bunch of new characters will have to be introduced, my guess is that there will be a new patriots, and a new government conspiricy to solve.
However with Solid Snake out the way, and Raiden becoming Jack, and settling down with Rose (plus fans don't want Raiden), then who's going to be as cool as Solid Snake? Isn't he the 3rd greatest Soldier that ever lived? Or as Grey Fox out ranked him, maybe the 4th gretaest?
So I can't help but think, who can replace Solid Snake? Can anyone repleace Solid Snake and a bunch of other characters, and Hideo Kojima? It's a tough order to fill; but hey, as Ryan Payton said they have a great team behind them, and it's the team that make the game come to life, and if Hiedo Kojima doesn't like the direction (as producer) he has near ultimate decission to change the direction. I'm sure Konami will do fine. Hell I trust em' more than I could ever trust Capcom, but then again that isn't saying much, after Umbrella Chronicles I can't trust Capcom any more.

Facebook: The Movie

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/7585632.stm

Sorry I have no comment that can describe the amount of times I am smacking my hand against my face in disgust at what kind of shit Hollywood is pulling out of their asses these days.

Do we honestly need a biographical movie on the creators of Facebook? there are so many interesting people who deserve a biographical movie more than the creators of facebook, and hollywood decide to make a movie on these douches?!

This really gives me hope as a writer, because half the stuff I think of while taking a shit is 504, 273, 995.73 times better, hell the shit that comes out of my ass is better than this pile of putrid ass vomit.

I'd rather watch snuff porn, along to the musical hits of torture victims, and babies being murdered, than go to the cinema, or even watch it for free off the Pirate Bay. I'd rather watch Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, no, wait, maybe that's going too far....

What I'm trying to do is, find a word that could somehow sum up this failboat of a movie, but I'll just have to just end this piece of news saying:

This is Anonymous Gamer signing off:











You stay classy internets!

Resident Evil 2 Wiimake

N-Europe has some interesting news about the Resident Evil franchise, an dthat is that Resident EVil 2 is being remade for the Wii. Now usually this would be the point I bounce off the walls and scream like a small fan-girl, and giggle while kicking my feet in the air orn my bed.

HOWEVER N-Europe has another thing to report.

"Parts of the game supposedly take part from a viewpoint similar to Resident Evil 4, with addition story elements and a new knight-like "swordsman" creature apparently confirmed as new content."

If this is true than I will be currently ranting out in the state of the Nostalgia Critic: "NO, NO, DOES NOT COMPUTE!!! NOOOOOO!!! NOOOOOOOO!!!! RAPE MY CHILDHOOD WILL YOU?!!?!"

Seriously, do Capcom have to get any shallower.

Yes a remake of Resident Evil 2 in they style of the REmake would be, what's that word again? Oh yes ORGASMIC, but if you start fucking with it, and start adding RE4 style camera angles, and enemies, then you're just fucking the franchise right up the ass. Capcom surely have the sense not to get killed by thousands if not millions of Resident Evil fans?

As I said, this would usualally be the point I'd be bouncing off the walls with excitment; but I feel completely neutral, not even the least bit excited, I suppose this is because this may just be a roumour, and all the horrible parts were made up by some person who calls himself a hardcore fan.

Well apparently it will feature in the next issue of Famitsu, so until then, I can safely NOT bounce off the walls until Capcom officially announce it, or at least Famitsu print it.

Bioshock for the Playstation 3

Five words you seek to destroy a 360 Fanboy?

Bioshock for the Playstation 3.

These are the words I give to ye.

I was just browsing the interwebs (hey it's what I do!) and came across Bioshock for the Playstation 3, which has an October 21st release date. Not only is this awesome news for someone who refused to buy a 360, and doesn't own a PC anymore, but it just tickels me more, that yet again 360 fanboys are writhing with pain, certainly moreso than Dead Rising for the Wii did.

Bioshock is set during the 1960's, your character finds himself in an underwater 'utopia' (more like dystopia) where things have obviously gone wrong. You must gentetically modyfy yourself if you are to survive.

The 360 and PC versions were amazing, and if anything Bioshock is a good 360 game, however you could always get it on PC.

Now the PS3 version sports the same impressive graphics, and some new modes such as Survivor Mode, and sports new rooms which have some new (optional challenges) such as a demonic carnival, which require certain powers to overcome, these will obviously have some effect on your preformance during the game, however apart from that the storyline remains 100% in-tact. Now the PS3 sports 'trophies' (god damn it, we aren't following the 360 here, I'm not someone who needs reassuring that I'm good, I already know I am) there will be trophies to win too.

I have a lovely bunch of coconuts - Welcome to the Carnival:
Step right up and win a prize...

All in all, the PS3 exclusive content isn't too great, but it certainly is better than your usual port of a game, which gets nothing, for example the rushed port hybrid of the PS2 and Gambecube versions of Resident Evil 4, or the disgusting port of Resident Evil 2 (PS1/N64 hybrid) and Resident Evil 3 (Dreamcast) [I guess adding the word 'three' to the end of the voiceover of the title "Resident Evil 3, could be counted as GC exclusive content)

However I'm excited, I guess I'll get Bioshock instead of Ghostbusters this autum, a fine replacement. However come 2009, I'll hopefully have enough funding to get Ghostbusters by then :-)

Horrific - The RE2 port for Gambecube was a large disappointment

Resident Evil 3 wasn't any betterThe only exclusive content here was the controls

Dead Rising (update)

Ok, so I've had time to digest the shockingly poor release video of Dead Rising: Chop Till you Drop. Every critic out there is on the same level on this one: It sucks. Capcom hoped to wow us, but all they got was boo's and jeers. I tried to give this game the benefit of the doubt, and in some sick twist way, I am, just like T4....

So I've drawn up a list of demands on my top things I want to see changed the next time I see a gameplay demo:

5) Wii Exclusive Content: This isn't the most important thing right this very moment, but I was disappointed that the port of RE4 didn't have any exclusive content apart from the controls and more enemies on screen (apparently up to 40 character models at 7, 000 polygons each!). So I want to see Capcom pull their heads out of their asses (if it's possible) and begin to treat this port with a little respect.

4) Better gore effects (ala Resident Evil meets House of the Dead); seriously, I know the Zombie character models are bad, but the blood here makes the Original Dawn of the Dead's blood look fantastically realistic. Another thing I would like to see later on in development is better visuals. I mean if Solid Snake form MGS 3 is 5, 000 polygons, and the Wii can sustain character models of 7, 000 each at a level of 40 on screen at the same time, supporting high end 6th gen textures. Why can't this game support a character model over 1, 000, with basic 6 gen textures, at a populace of only 12? I mean they said they would have 100 zombies on screen at the same time, which by my calculations, you can at least support 100 x 5,000 polygon models, with high-mid end textures. Which would still leave enough memory for the main character models to have 10, 000 polygons and very high-end textures. So it beggars belief that this game looks so ugly, and why Capcom showed off this game at this stage of it's horrible life?

3) A wider range of objects to use as weapons: Apparently they've reduced the amount of background objects you can actually pick up and use as weapons; there is not much excuse for this, none at all really, it just saddens me, slightly more-so than the graphics.

2) A completely altered/original game engine: The RE4 system sounded like a good idea at first, but now I've looked at it, the pace of the game is slowed down so much, that you are likely to die of boredom, than fear or even the zombies. The pacing of the 360 version was fast and fun, and now it seems very slow, very very slow. I hope Capcom will further alter the gameplay from a RE4 clone, to a somewhat improved version of the RE4 engine, to suit a faster pace.
I'm also sick and tired of every game which seems to be good, that the gameplay and content being dummed down, because they expect every Wii owner to be a kid, or a retard. Give us a balance of hardcore games too, give some of your Wii gamers credit for Christ’s sake!

1) The use of a good soundtrack: I cannot tell you how much this game's sound-track sucks. The lack of decent sound effects astounds me, I mean, what is wrong with using the old sound effects from the first one, what is wrong with recording new sound effects, instead of using a 99p sound effects CD. The sound is one of, if not the most important thing in a game, and this game rapes the sound to death. Everything is over stock, and muffled. You wouldn't believe how much this annoys me, and that is why it's my number one spot. If Everything but the number 1 stop was ignored, and when they released the next gameplay demo, and all that had changed was the sound-track, the game would be about 2 hundred times better than it already is.

Ok, so now I've calmed down, we'll see if anything has improved next time, maybe I can strike off things from the list, maybe I'll have to add to the list, or maybe I'll have to make a new one?

This is Anonymous Gamer signing off...
You Stay Classy Internets!

Robocop 4 not Robocop 4

Well apparently we can all stop calling it Robocop 4.

http://screenrant.com/robocop-rated-r-vic-3219/

They are now catching up with the new trend of rebooting the series. I mean, does every damn franchise require rebooting. At least McG has the decency of at least not REBOOTING the damn terminator series !!!

Yes, yes, I know, the only really decent Robocop (like Nightmare on Elm Street) was the first one, but jeez. Can't Hollywood stop resurrecting old franchises? They're meading in powers beyond their control!!

Needless to say, despite it being an R/15/18 rated movie, this film will still blow donkey testicles.


That is all...

Resident Evil 5 (update)

Well yet another trailer has come out, not much new, but it seems that

1) That someone has been transporting BOWs
2) That the black mask person is not Sherry
3) Sherry may be still in the game, as the woman who dresses inappropriately for Africa....

So here's a screenshot:
Here's the trailer in HD.
http://trailers.gametrailers.com/gt_vault/2036/t_re5_leipzig_gc2k8_h264.mov

There isn't anything here that changes my mind on RE5 though...

Dead Rising (update)

New gameplay footage and a quick hands-on review has been posted on 1-up.

It says:

" Because Chop Till You Drop runs on the Resident Evil 4 Wii engine, the controls feel similar -- differing mostly in the pacing, since Resident Evil is, in most cases, a slower shooter, while Dead Rising's a faster beat-em-up/shooter/choose-your-own-adventure-through-the-crowd game. That means you hold down a button and point the Wii Remote to shoot, and you can choose between pressing the A button or flicking the Wii-mote for an up-close attack. Other motion sequences show up contextually: If an enemy stuns you, you can shake the Wii Remote to recover, and if you shake the Wii-mote while holding a baseball bat, you can charge it for a more powerful attack. I only tried out the shake-to-recover move, though (which worked fine), so it's hard to say how well these will work on the whole.

He also mentions he saw 10 zombies on screen at once (because it's been in question how many the Wii can handle on screen simultaneously), but Capcom says it will be able to display 100 by the time the game ships. The Wii version of the game also has a new mission structure and save system, likely meaning far less frustration than was found in the Xbox 360 version. "

My impressions is the game is way too slow paced, and the blood doesn't look as real, the sound-track is mind-numbingly boring, especially with stock sound-effects. I know this game isn't supposed to be scary, and it's just all about blowing zombies up, but FUCK. These zombies are just boring....

I hope they fix these problems, on top of the amount of zombies on screen at a time, otherwise this will just be what 360 fanboys fear, that the game will be butchered so much that the game wont be fun.

Well If this game's soundtrack is the same as the 360 version, the game was already butchered way before it reached the Wii, man it sucks.

New Site + FFVII (update)

Well it seems that the Final Fantasy VII remake announcement was not anything to do with Final Fantasy VII, but introduced a demo video of Final Fantasy XIII which was over 2 hours, which makes it longer than Advent Children. In which I don't give a shit about.

Yet again there will be no Final Fantasy VII remake. It's debunked (for now), however any changes will be posted here.

Also I have another site reviewing games which have a special place in me heart, it isn't a AVGN rip-off, it's just me reviewing games that I was fond of, or have inspired me in some way. I'm kicking off with Sonic the Hedgehog series for the Sega Master System II. It's a three parter, the next part will be out in a few days. I thought blogging would be better than video, because AVGN and the critic are really kings of reviewing over video, and so I don't want to be seen as a copycat. Yes I love both their work, but no, I'm just being me, and showing my views. James or Doug. If you ever by some large miracle ever read, or comment on either blog, I will faint. You guys rock my socks.

Anyway here's my new site for games reviews: http://anonymousgamesreviews.blogspot.com/

Mario

When I was younger I had a Mastersystem, in my area a SNES was a baby's toy and the Megadrive (Genesis) was the shit. Sonic ruled over mario, and so I was pretty much a SEGA fanboy until the Playstation came out. However now I own a Wii (my second nintendo consle I owned, I got a Gamecube just because of the Resident Evil remake) I've been playing more mario games, and so I've pulled out an emulator, and played through the old mario games right from Donkey Kong onwards.

The first point I'd like to make is that Mario is one cruel motherfucker, first of all he's an incarnation of Stalin (see http://nedmartin.org/amused/communist-mario). Think about it. The turtles and goombas don't seem to be doing anything, well threatening... All they are doing is moving up and down, and the green turtles fall of cliffs anyway. Then Mario comes along and crushes them to death with his weight, the fat fuck.

However my main point about Mario is one that has been talked about the most, the connotation with drugs. So I've devised a story that proves that there are only three true Mario games.

So we start back in Mario’s youth, unlike his brother Luigi (who is a plumber) Mario is a carpenter with a whore bitch called Pauline. However one day an escaped gorilla by the name of Donkey Kong steels your whore-bitch because she is a very attractive woman, and who wouldn't want her. Unfortunately he's also climbed the skyscraper you were helping to build, and now you must dodge the barrels, or smash them with hammers you find along the way. Once Mario catches Donkey Kong, he not only must work for free to fix the damage done to the skyscraper, but law suits by animal rights protesters have been given against Mario too, especially from the cruelty to Diddy Kong in Donkey Kong 2.

So we now move on several years. Mario and Luigi are now plumbers, and have been asked to investigate the pipes underneath the city. However it seems that all the turtles, crabs etc flushed down the toilets have been mutated by the sheer amount of waste dumped down here, and have become giant vicious killing machines!! Trapped down there, Luigi and Mario must fight for their lives!

Several weeks/month later despite Mario and his brother being compensated by the city council for damages, Pauline breaks up with Mario, and leaves him for this punk nicknamed Bowser. annoyed that Luigi still has his rocky, yet existent relationship with Daisy Mario decides to do mushrooms to cheer him up. This creates a mushroom induced hallucination, creating a world in which he can be a hero, this way he feels that Peach (Pauline) has been kidnapped by Bowser an evil dragon/turtle archetype. Other enemies such as koopas (turtles) are reminiscent of their horrors of the city sewers; other mushroom related visions are to do with the drug he has taken. In this world he can live happily with the mushroom version of Pauline, and rescue her from a much stronger Bowser, in which in real life, his unhealthy form could never do.

Afterwards, Mario gets so addicted to Mushroom, that soon he makes the family business go bust, and Mario and Luigi end up becoming turnip pickers. Both depressed and their lives, Luigi, Mario, Daisy, and their short immigrant friend they met turnip picking all decide to do mushrooms, most of the Mushroom Kingdom becomes turnip related instead of plumbing related, and Daisy becomes a princess by the name of peach (possibly because Mario has become obsessed with his fictional incarnation of Pauline, and thus the name, figure etc has imprinted on her mind, thus another mushroom induced adventure begins.

Eventually Mario and Luigi give one more shot at becoming plumbers, to get them through the depressing hard start up phase of their business he does his favourite drug. Most of the other "cannon" Mario games are just drug induced hallucinations, especially when later on the plumbing business goes so well, they can afford to do more and more shrooms, eventually Mario opens a popular toy store, the toy store is an even greater success, because they toys he makes and invents are so crazy, and cute because they are all inspired by the creations made during his hallucinations.

So there you have it, the only three REAL Mario games are Donkey Kong 1 & 2, and Mario Bros.