Boy Killed Anally by Office Chair

Ok, this sounds lie some title of some weird snuff fetish porn. But apparently a 14 year old lad in China was anally impaled by an exploding office chair.

The pressurised gas cylinder apparently exploded shooting deadly shrapnel up the poor guy's anus. Causing hm to bleed to death. Sounds like something out of Final Destination doesn't it?

Apparently the freak death was not alone where 3 people have died the same way in China in china since 2008.

While my heart goes out to the kid, and the kid's family, and it must be such a horrid way to go.. I can't help thinking of this as a Monty Python sketch. I mean how bizarrely odd, dark and funny. I can't help the inner child in me wanting to laugh.

I hope no-one is reading this at the office, or I recommend you work with a layer of kevlar between you and your office chair.

...Oh and...One more thing...

No I'm not talking about a new Columbo movie. I'm talking about the port of MGS4 for the iTouch/iPhone.

Never in my life would I have thought they would have soiled the name of Solid Snake by porting it on the iPhone!!!

I mean what were they fucking thinking?! First of all the graphics makes the epicness of the PS3 version, just lose all epicness, secondly that adding touch controls will make this one awkward piece of shit to play.

Kojima: Should be ashamed of himself

Now I've not programmed a game as complex as this, in fact I've only programmed in Basic, but what I do is create content, and I know it doesn't take someone with half a brain cell and a knowledge on gaming that this is a bad idea. Why didn't they make a M.G game that would be 100% customized to the platform? Something, I don't know? ORIGINAL?!

They could have called it Metal Gear Fuck Farts for all I care, just as long as it was an original title.

I don't want to swear here, but I'd rather see an announcement that it was going to be ported to the 360, at least that would be a platform more suited to MGS4, Christ on a Bike, fucking hell...

Inglourious Basterds

Well I watched the Trailer for Tarantino's version of Inglourious Basterds.



Well my Impressions?

Well the fact that it's just so fucking pro American when the American's helped in the last 2 minutes of the War just pisses me right off. However I feel that this might be a good Tarantino movie. The acting looks solid, and the style is impressive.

I just hope it doesn't end up as another Valkyrie. By which I mean self obsessive and so pro American that youre shitting American flags for 10 days after watching it.

Resident Evil 6

Well I was reading the brilliant Keith Stuart's Blog for the Guardian a while ago and I saw an article that said Resident Evil 6 is on it's way and it may be set in London!!

Along with the fact that Masachika Kawata said that Resident Evil 6 will be a turning point on whether Resident Evil turns back to Survival Horror or goes completely into Action Adventure. If it turns to Action Adventure, I'm definately abandoning the series. Resident Evil should be Horror, and Horror only.

I at least am happy with the fact that Kawata admitted that what I pointed out about RE5 was true, but he inteneded it to be a slow evolution, and now I understand that I can move on.

Hopefully Resident Evil 6 will be set in London, and bring back the Horror!!

Source: http://www.guardian.co.uk/technology/gamesblog/2009/feb/02/gameculture-xbox

Lickers in Resident Evil 5?

Well there have been reports with bury Big-Foot type pictures of Lickers in Resident Evil 5. From someone taking a photo of possible Lickers, however these images found on rehorror are questionable at best. I mean who really takes a photo of a magazine? I mean why didn't they scan it in?

I could spend my hard earned cash to buy the magazine and confirm or rip apart any evidence that there Lickers in the game. But I'd rather point out that NO-ONE on the net has bothered to do either. I sthat because the photos rip aprt the theroy of Lickers being in RE5, and fans just want to hold onto a thread of hope that the RE series isn't going down the shitter?

Who knows, but it's interesting!

Appologies

Hey guys, it's me. I've been busy recently. There's tones of new stuff to talk and discuss, but as I don't get paid, and I hardly have a viewership here. I don't see the rush. But I feel that I owe any readers what their owed.

Dead Rising 2

Sorry for being so late, I was going to post this as soon as I heard the news a few days ago. However some personal problems have affected me, but now I'm back! W00!

So Dead Rising 2 is real, and they say now 10's of thousands of Zombies, and what's even better: It's multi-Platform. So I can fire up my smooth PS3 and play the game. Hopefully this will mean the original Dead Rising will come to PS3 for around £20 - £30 (yeah as If).

From the looks of the screen shots the graphics for something this big, and this sandbox are quite impressive. The use of the dirt bike looks nice, and the expressions on the faces of not only our protagonist but on the zombies themselves look nice.

I'm not sure if it can beat Left4Dead. But to me irt equals it as a game on it's own. Taking the Dawn of the Dead concept really makes these games stand out on their own. I can't wait to have some fun with zombies!

However it isn't like me to have something negative to say, but at the moment it's mainly directed at the fact the first I haven't had a real chance to play. Since i don't own a 360, and the controller gives me cramp. I'll have to wait and watch a full res trailer or play a demo to give further impressions. But so far so good!

Picture courtesy of kotaku.com

(http://kotaku.com/5149650/dead-rising-2-its-real-and-its-spectacular)

Dead Rising 2

Well a trailer filmed from whjat seems liek an avid suite has been leaked, but I'm way too tired to comment yet, please hold for further commentary!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d87f8pqEsU8

Friday 13th (and other reboots)

Ok, for some reason I'm excited by both Friday 13th reboot and the Nightmare on Elm St reboot. Even though neither have much to do with the original. Why?

Well I'm not really a fan of Friday 13th after the 3rd one, and I'm only a fan of Nightmare on Elm Street and Wes Craven's New Nightmare. I mean 3 was fun to watch, but the others were god awful.

Friday 13th is produced by Michael Bay, no I know what you're all thinking, because it's what i'm thinking. BUT he did produce the remake of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and to be honest I enjoyed the remake. Although I'm not a fan of slashers because 99% of them are lame and funny at times when they're meant to be scary. I still sometimes switch my brain to mindless and enjoy what's presented in front of me.
For me the remake of Texas Chainsaw Massacre wasn't a masterpiece, but it went further in depth into the villain, and brought us a decent remake or reimaging or reboot.

This is what gives me hope for Friday 13th.

From the trailer this does sound just like a mindless teen slasher flick. However that's what the originals were; mindless slashers, for those wanting people be killed in imaginative ways. This rolls the first three movies into one, and even gives more depth to Jason "making him a cross between John Rambo Tarzan and the Abominable Snowman from Looney Tunes.

Jason from the 2009: Friday the 13th

I think the modern (aka 30s to mid 90's) horror films things were very black and white. The Bad guy was the bad guy, the good guy was the good guy and the damsel in distress was innocent and helpless. Now with postmodern horror. The bad guy is the good guy, the good guy is the bad guy, and the damsel in distress can be either gender and usually ends up saving the day.
I believe this is what they are doing with the reboot, and I welcome it.

In the 70s and 80s one successful cult film, spawned around 8 children. This happened with both Friday 13th and A Nightmare on Elm Street. (FT13th spawned more than 10 movies). This is what's wrong with these icons, after the 3rd ones they become tired boring clichéd, and laughable. You just see the same old movie with different actors, settings and deaths. Usually you get two great movies, an okay movie and the rest can go to hell.

This is why we need a postmodern reboot. It means fans of the old series can choose what universe to follow: The old series with one or two great movies, or the new series: Not as much impact, but 10x better than most of the sequels put together.

I'm very much looking forward to seeing the reboot of this film despite my hatred of reboots, remakes and reimagings of classic films, oh and my dislike for Michael Bay.

Another film I'm intrigued by is the reboot of A Nightmare on Elm Street:

Most people reading this would check my temperature to make sure I’m not feverish. However I applaud the people rebooting the series. I have some arguments in their favour:

A Nightmare on Elm Street was a classic modern horror. The bad guy was evil, and the protagonist was sweet and innocent. It was originally meant to be a one off film, the ending was supposed to be Nancy waking up, and the whole film was a nightmare. Thus A NIGHTMARE on Elm Street. However the studios wanted to milk this horror dry and forced Wes Craven to do the one thing in the film in which I thought was the most stupid thing ever in film endings; and that was to put in a “twist” ending in where Nancy has another nightmare and Freddy kills her and everyone (or at least you assume until the 3rd movie).

After this the series went downhill until Freddy went from a scary silent killer to an unfunny stand-up act. It was just cringable watching someone who’s supposed to be as scary and as evil as fucking child molester killer, to someone who cracks jokes, and rides a skateboard. Yeah it sucks…

Things only improved again when Wes Craven came back and did the 7th Freddy Film with his original idea for the sequel to the original: Wes Craven’s New Nightmare. Then came Freddy vs Jason, which the less we say about Freddy in that movie the better.

So to be honest if the reboot can make Freddy into a silent killer who hardly speaks, and when he does (“No, this is God”) it impacts on you, and is said with dark venom.

Which brings me to another thing which fans are writing hate mail to New Line about: NO ROBERT ENGLUND!!!!

Robert "Freddy" Englund waves us goodbye Freddy style

Well to be honest Robert Englund is the kind of actor which needs pushing to get a good performance out of. What I mean by this is that his performances are always better than average, but to be honest since apart from the 1st and 7th when have you really seen a good Freddy performance from Englund? The answer is never. He just does the basic stuff to get by. The point is Wes managed to get Englund to give a dark, amazing performance as Freddy. Directors just can’t tell Robert Englund to just go up on set and act, they need to coach him, push him to do it right. Wes and Robert seem to have that certain director-actor relationship. It works well and Robert Englund gives an amazing, scary performance.

So if we aren’t using Wes Craven as a director, there isn’t much point in using Englund. To be honest I welcome Billy-Bob into Freddy’s shoes (gloves and sweater). I think he may just be able to pull things off.

The new face of evil: Billy-Bob Thornton

This reboot may be the only chance to bring back a potentially good series in the franchise, it comes at a price (the loss of the original masterpiece) yes, but hopefully it will be better than 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, and 8 put together!

Lets just hope that anyway...

Dead Space Wii

CEO John Riccitiello has announced that Dead Space is coming to the Wii. "We're bringing core intellectual properties and franchises in categories we think have legs on the Wii platform. A good example of this is Dead Space. We're bringing a Wii title to the market this year and it is absolutely going to be the quality and fear factor that you got on the PS3, Xbox 360, and PC SKUs this past year."

However if the Dead Space port is anything like the monstrosity that was Dead Rising Wii, I will not be impressed. As we all know Dead Rising Wii was a thorough disappointment for both fans of the Nintendo Wii and Dead Rising Fans alike.

Although Dead Rising was made by Capcom, and EA have made a higher quality survival horror than Resident Evil 5. I'm willing to put faith into EA and see what the Wii title has to offer. Although I'm happy with my PS3 version, I'll be happy for all those people who can't afford a PS3 just yet to get this amazing survival horror on their Wii console. Although i can't expect it to be as fluid.

I'll try and keep you guys updated when more info comes in!

Resident Evil 5

Well I got the demo today, there were so many people downloading it, the PS server struggled on hold on to sanity.

Well all I can say is, meh. Lets just start off with things slowly here. Resident Evil 5 wasn't the step ahead of Resident Evil 4that some people were thinking. All my previous views and fears were confirmed: Resident Evil 5 is ResidentEvil 4 in disguise!

I found myslef looking at the same animations, the same noises that surrounded me in Resident Evil 4. There has been a slight step iup in gameplay, for example Sheva is better than Ashley at defending herself and you, however the A.I wasn't the masterpiece reviewers have been raving on about. Sheva does not help you as often as you like. Many times I was faced with 'the chainsaw guy' (recycle point 327) and Sheva doesn't even attempt to help shoot the chainsaw guy before he digs his tool of death into my neck. It is really rare to get any decent A.I in games, but by the way critics were raving you would have thought skynet was going to help you to play! This is not the case, the A.I is unresponsive and sloppy at times, I just hope that within the next few weeks before they send this mofo off to the printers they want me toi be impressed.
The other thing that annoyed me was the fact they swapped the buttons around, which made the game harder than what I'm used to, square was action and x was run, it was like a horrible resident evil nightmare gone even more wrong where up is down and kangaroos fly backwards. Ok well i'm going lightly off course here with describing how akward the controls are.

Another thing I noticed that the machete is weaker than the knife in Resident Evil 4? Why may you ask? I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA!!! You'd think that Leon's knife wouldn't be as powerfull as a FUCKING MACHETE!!!! It just has no logic to it. It's as if I shot you with a handgun and it blew a hole in you, whereas I shot you with a shotgun at close range and you were still standing. It just doesn't make any logical sense. Especially the amount of muscle that is going behing that swing.

As I mentioned before countless amount of things are being recycled right from animations to sound effects and similar sounding music. However things are not all that bad. Resident Evil 5 is still a fun game to play, however people who have played Resident Evil 4 will soon get bored and switch off. EA did a wonderful job at Dead Space, it had everything Resident Evil 5 lacks: suspence, a feeing of fear, and horrid undead creatures.

All in all:

Graphics 7.5/10 - I applaud the amount of detail, but 720p?! I'd expect better for a PS3 port of such an expensive (to make) game. Animations are recycled, and for a 7th gen console the animations are really sloppy. Sorry Capcom, but put at least some effort into your games.

Gameplay: 7/10The controls are so hard to get used to, however once you got passed the button swap, not much has changed. However the implement of online co-op sounds good, but there isn't much of this game which really is a leap in evolution. With Resident Evil 2 there was a leap of evolution with the scenario A and B which increased playability, with also fiendish unlockables. With Resident Evil 3 the gameplay was improved beyond belief and has played a steady piece in the newer Resident Evil gameplay. Resident Evil 4 gave us a new camera, new aiming system and the almighty action button. This has not only paved the way for future RE titles, but A LOT of games titles of the horror and action franchises. Resident Evil 5 just doesn't seem much of a leap. Again Capcom knew they had a great formula, and decided not to improve it too much because they were pussies for pushing the envelope.

Sound: 6.5/10 Not creepy, but it is quite detailed, but doesn't scare me :/ So above average, however doesn't give me the desired effect a Resi game should, on top of the fact it sounds EXACTLY LIKE RESIDENT EVIL 4 it doesn't help my anger issues. Lets hope the overall game scores higher.

Overall I give this demo a 6.5/10